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April fools

A study released today by the University of Elzzad’s Department of Health has found that working out in 5 inch or higher heels is the secret to eternal youth. “Our research shows the more you lift, squat, stretch, and run in heels, you will actually stop the aging process,” said report author, Lotsa Heilsoes. She also adds that researchers discovered a link between this style of exercise and younger looking skin, glossier hair, and a lifted butt.

The study included fifty participants who were asked to perform a 45 minute exercise every day for 1 year. Of the fifty participants, twenty-five were asked to wear 5 inch heels while the other twenty-five wore tennis shoes. To our surprise, the twenty-five participants who wore heels claimed to feel  10 years younger. Shauna Dazzler, one of the participants said “Working out in heels has changed my life drastically! Not only did I drop 2 lbs., but I feel like I’m 18 again!”

Scientists identified a new molecule called the Gnippohs molecule, and found that it multiplies when women work out in their shoes. The Gnippohs molecule seems to be the key to eternal youth.

3D-mot-Cocaine-molecule

Some other incredible benefits of working out in heels are:

The inability to gain weight – A 45 minute daily work-out in heels will help lower your cholesterol 75% faster than any other workout. The mere act of putting on sexy heels burns 500 calories. Now you can have your cake and it too! Literally.

Increased coolness – Scientist found that participants immediately were perceived more in control, likeable, and cool by their peers. Though the best part was, they didn’t care.

Law of shoe attraction – The more the participants wore their favorite shoes to work out. The more they found their next dream shoe. Their shoe collections positively multiplied.

The most important finding of the study is that laughter, not working out in heels, might be the secret to eternal youth. We hope you enjoyed one on us. Happy April Fools Day!

 

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