Valentine’s day is today, and this particularly jaded pessimist is scheduled to blog about it. Read: “Yay, obligatory romance.” The other day, in a half-hearted attempt to reconnect, my ex asked to “see me” and retrieve some stuff from my garage. I promptly set fire to the aforementioned “stuff” and okay’d the visit for later that day. Bitter much? Probably, but I’m not devastated; I’m diva-stated, which means I want to be loud about it and make a scene.
Me? I’m planning to spend my V-day using social media to keep tabs on the people who were and/or are my unwilling Valentines. Like, Kaydra, some booties are made for stalking.
On Facebook, be facetious; he better not “Like” anything but your Lockport today or else he’ll be the one getting locked out.
On Twitter: If he hasn’t @mentioned your Margarets, he must be #ReTwiculous, HashTag, #OverIt.
Oh no, not YouTube. Get more views in spectacular shoes like Decker.
P to the S. No one’s Pinterested in excuses this year. Gentlemen, step up to your lady’s level , ’cause from atop her heels, you look like a sad, little Instagrampa
Love,
Richy T. – Chocolate-covered peanut bitter.
